MY BIG FRIGGIN WEDDING: MEET THE MEATBALLS

It’s so refreshing to see a group of New Jersey meatballs simmering in a pot of sauce where they’re being useful, and not simmering in a beach house in Seaside Heights or Miami Beach doing absolutely nothing interesting. Johnny and Megin DeCarlo are possibly one of the most real and inviting couples I have met in a long time. When they invited me into their home in East Rutherford and allowed me to interview them about their roles in Vh1’s upcoming series My Big Friggin’ Wedding I had no idea what I was in store for.

As I crossed the threshold of their home, I was not only overwhelmed by Megin’s warmth and beauty--hugs and kisses on the cheek; smiles and sincere welcomes--but by the fusion of aromas mingling in the air: tomato sauce, parsley, garlic, pork, salt, parmigiano cheese, and braciole. As I stepped into the inner-sanctum of the kitchen, Johnny was standing at the altar of his stove. The noon sun burst through the windows anointing the pot of gravy over which Johnny kept watch. (“Whenever there’s meat in the sauce it’s always called gravy,” Johnny instructed as he swirled the seasoned wooden spoon around his seasoned pot.) As he stirred the sauce, I mean gravy, all you could hear was the slow burp and bubble of the gravy thickening, the tick of the clock on the wall, and the contented murmurs of a baby in his swing. All that was missing from this scene was my Nonna in her housecoat. I swear, I felt like it was 1968 and I was back in my grandmother’s kitchen at 116 Main Street in Fort Lee. Johnny is authentic old school North Jersey Italian.

After making sure that the sauce was seasoned to perfection, Johnny and Megin sat and talked with me about planning a wedding, starting a life, and building a business all while the cameras were rolling. Megin put it perfectly when she said, “Do you have any idea what it’s like trying to carry groceries and a baby up the stairs with a camera focused on your behind?”  Johnny found the cameras a little less intimidating which is no surprise since it was his idea to audition for the show. “I saw Vh1’s listing for the show on the internet and I thought, ‘Why not?’”

Why not, indeed! Unlike other reality stars, Megin and Johnny actually have a talent that extends beyond the cameras. They have a business that they are building together “Johnny’s Meatballs.” Let me tell you, coming from a family where Nonna’s meatball recipe was taken to her grave, and my mom and aunts closely guard theirs, I know a little something about meatballs. Mom, cover your ears. Johnny’s meatballs are the best meatballs I have EVER tasted. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s a definite combination of taste and texture that makes them fantastic.  Like every serious Italian cook, Johnny won’t give up his recipe. All he’ll reveal is that his recipe is a blend of both his grandmothers’ meatball recipes. But you don’t have to take my word for it. Corrado’s Market in Clifton and Wayne is now selling them so you can taste them for yourself.

After meeting Johnny and Megin, and seeing the trailers for Vh1’s My Big Friggin’ Wedding, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that they will be the break out stars of the series. It doesn’t matter though. Regardless of what notoriety the show may bring them, they’ll do well for themselves because it’s not all about the show. It’s about staying true to their dream of building a business together. The show is simply an opportunity that may help them to achieve that goal. Finally, hard-working people who make New Jersey proud!  

Vh1’s  My Big Friggin Wedding premiers Monday, November 1^st at 9pm. You can watch full episodes at www.vh1.com.

To see the video of my interview with Megin and Johnny click on the link below:

http://momtomomtv.com/picspicks/mybigfrigginwedding.html

REALITY BYTES

If my life was a reality show, the theme song would be the theme from “Mission Impossible.” But let’s face it, without the help of a good editor, reel-life is real boring even with the help of a jazzy theme song from a cool 1960’s Cold War secret agent show.

My days are an endless series of stress-filled repeat episodes that leave me feeling as if I’m going to self-destruct in 5 seconds. Every morning I scream at the kids to hurry up and get ready for school; I push them out of one door and into the car; try to levitate my minivan above the insane traffic that constipates every road leading to the George Washington Bridge every single weekday morning; pull them out of the car to drag them across and up Fort Lee Road trotting them like long-shot race horses as the crazy Korean crossing guard curses me in a language I’m beginning to understand for crossing during the flashing 5 second warning; I internally scream my own violent obscenities as I push the kids through the school doors seconds before the late bell rings. After the overwhelming need to breathe into a brown paper bag passes, I begin my morning meditation: foraging for orphan change on the floor of my car so I can buy a cup of coffee and find my inner human being.

Against the better angels of my nature, I’ve become addicted to the most mindless shows reality T.V. has to offer--Bravo’s “Housewives of New Jersey” and MTV’s “The Jersey Shore.” Undoubtedly, you can’t get much worse than that. However, as a native Jersey Girl who needs her fill of mindless entertainment, I tune in to see not only how my beloved state is being portrayed, but betrayed.

What gets me about “The Housewives of New Jersey” is, well, everything. How believable is it, really, to have women with deep Hudson County accents represent tony Franklin Lakes? At the very least, attention must be paid to any group of women who can masterfully stylize the word boobs into the plural possessive “bewbies” and interject it into every third incoherent sentence. Now, I’m certainly not pulling the grammatical high card here; my entire family has created a language of our own by butchering the English language; I can conjugate the word “jaboopy” which happens to be a family favorite, and the topic of a column all its own.

What’s most amazing about the housewives is that they represent no woman I know. Who rewards their daughter with a brand new car for failing out of school? And when one of my 45-year old girlfriends is seen out with a 25-year old it’s called babysitting your friend’s son while their away on vacation, not dating. But it was the infamous “table flip” episode that caught my attention. Many people from Bergen and Hudson County know the “table flip,” in fact, it’s an Olympic sport in my family, but I don’t think the rest of the country was prepared for it.   

Then there’s MTV’s “Jersey Shore” where nobody ever goes to the shore and every moment is edited into a string of bad decisions! Lord knows that I spent enough drunken summer nights on the boardwalk in Seaside Heights to get down on my hands and knees and thank God those were the days before cell phones, digital cameras, and reality TV. If a camera crew had followed me around, God knows what “situation” they would have found me in, but one thing’s for sure--they wouldn’t have found me with “The Situation.” Despite the fact that the look for men back then was more ‘long-haired lanky’ than ‘juiced-up steroid,’ there was only one hair gel, “Dippity-Do,” and it wasn’t marketed to men.

However, it’s very possible you would have found me with “The Situation’s” uncle, “Vince the Slap Chop Guy” from the infomercial. There’s something awfully (emphasis on awful) familiar about him. Whenever I hear, “You’re gonna love my nuts,” something about his voice triggers my mind back to the summer of 1981, Lucky Leo’s, and way too many Jell-o shots.

Oh well, back to my un-edited reality: kids’ bath time, making lunches and packing snacks. (Cue theme from “Mission Impossible.”)