Saturday, February 19, 2011


I think I’m going through a mid-life crisis. At least I hope that my mid-life point hasn’t already passed me by. I mean, if I only live to be 50 that means that my mid-life crisis occurred at 25. And isn’t the entire decade of our 20’s one big life crisis anyway? At least upon reflection it seems that way. When we’re in our 20’s we’re just trying on one bad choice after another. Some of us married our bad choices, some of us gave birth to them, and some of us spent a lot of time in rehab thanks to them. Compared to our 20’s, our 30’s begin our assent into the age of reason.  
Anyway, among the many things I’ve been musing about, the one thing I can’t stop thinking about are the career choices I’ve made. My employment choices were based on the Sally Fields’ method of finding a job. The key to mastering this method is to accept the very first offer regardless of what that job is because that offer screamed “You like me! You really like me!” Considering taking a job that might be fun and interesting never entered my mind. It’s only now that I realize someone has to be hired for the fun and interesting jobs, right? Of course, considering my bad choices, these are the jobs I would have applied for in my 20’s with my reasons (now) why they scream “bad choice.”  
Cameraman for Lock Up or any other show about prison: My biggest fear in the entire world is prison. So it makes perfect sense that I love to watch the show Lock Up which is about being locked up in various prisons around the world. Whenever I watch the show I care less about the reaction of the inmate who’s being asked if he has any remorse for murdering 15 people and more about the cameraman’s reaction to the inmate’s response. If I’m sitting before a man sentenced to death or serving 20 consecutive life sentences I want more than just a hand-held camera separating us. Let’s put it this way, if I was the cameraman, all you would see on your television screen is a picture of the tiled floor because I’d drop that camera and run the second I saw a man in an orange jumpsuit with face tattoos coming towards me.
Deck Crew or Cameraman for Dangerous Catch: Okay, one of the best shows ever. Who’d think that crab fishing would be so riveting? And I consider myself a seasoned crab fisherman having spent many summer days tossing nets into the Hudson and pulling out pots filled with crabs until my shoulders ached. I can stand the grueling work; however, there’s no way I could ever be one of the deck crew on a ship being tossed around like a bath toy in the Bering Sea. Hauling heavy pots out of a violent ocean that keeps throwing fresh waves of Arctic ice water over you in the middle of winter during a hurricane takes more than a sense of adventure!
I’m always amazed at how steady the camera is while filming during those storms. If I was the cameraman all you’d see would be pieces of my liver floating around the deck because not only would I be constantly sea sick, but the rest of the crew would pull a mutiny on the bounty on me to rid the ship of my miserableness.
Editor for Snapped on the Oxygen Network: This is the show that highlights women who have snapped and usually always involves multiple murders. My fear about editing this show is that I might find myself the star of one of the episodes.
National Geographic Photographer: Travel the world, go to remote places, dance with the wolves, swim with the sharks, and sleep with the lions. The job would be the perfect job for me if it weren’t for the wolves, sharks, and lions. And the fact that sleeping outdoors in remote places of the world is not on my top ten list.
I guess I’ll just stick with being a writer and continue to write from the tamed jungle I call home about the wild adventures of my life. And show me a National Geographic photographer who’s driven away from a carwash with a Mexican in his trunk. Ha! There’s adventure!

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